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Saturday, January 23, 2010

Some times Stephen makes me laugh

Every since the day I met Stephen he has been 100% supportive of me going to school and getting an education. I don't know if he will ever realize how much this means to me. Its difficult to go to school as a single person with no worries, its beyond difficult to do as a single mother or if you have an unsupportive spouse. Having him back me up was one of the main reasons I was able to finish my Associates degree and the only reason I am now working on a Bachelor's degree.

Not long after I met Stephen I found myself making a not so smart deal with my X and living in an old rent house that my X-husband and I had purchased with the idea of completely remodeling it for our children to live in as they went to college. With the divorce came a lot of changed plans and no child support. Because I had signed over every thing I was in this small apartment with no yard and to many collage parties going on, so out of pure desperation I agreed to free rent instead of all the back child support that was owed to me. So me and my girls ended up living in the house before it was really ready. Stephen was amazing, he helped close in the garage, patched the kitchen floor (it was falling in) worked on the sewer and built a wonderful cabinet to hold the fish tank with the left over wood he build me a desk on one complete wall of the closed in garage. This was a huge work space for me and where I studied, paid bills and really spent a lot of my time. Unfortunately the desk was built into the wall and when I moved I had to leave it behind.

There are only two things I miss about that ran down house, one is the enormous fenced in yard with a great storage shed and room for a garden, it was the kind of yard you could let your kids play in all day and not worry about a thing. The other thing is that built in desk, I miss it every day really.

When I moved into our now home, I was so excited to not need a plumber on speed dial, not worry about unsteady floors and to have a place that my X couldn't barge into any time he wanted. Stephen was in the UK while I was moving so it was a bit difficult for me and my kids go do all of it on our own. I resorted to moving a little each day after work. This wasn't the best idea because I got a few essentials moved in, beds for the girls, some of our clothes, the couch, our computers and tv, the amazing cabinet that Stephen build with the fish tank on top and the refrigerator then wham the old house was robbed and we had nothing left to move, just a huge mess to clean up. We had no dishes, not all of our clothes, I didn't have a bed here yet, no desk no tables nothing. At the time I only had a couple of classes left so getting a desk wasn't top priority.

In our kitchen built into the cabinetry is an area that was created to put a phone, pay bills or use as a work area. I plunked my laptop down there and finished my schooling in the kitchen with the TV going, kids running around, music blaring and every day life going on around me. It wasn't easy really, I require a certain amount of quiet and privacy in order to really study and work. But again buying a desk for my bedroom wasn't top priority, dishes where.

As soon as Stephen got here he bought a small desk and set up his computer partly for work and partly because he is a computer geek who needs several hours a day on the computer in order to not be grouchy. His desk area quickly grew over whelming so one day I moved the desk over and put in a table to hold all his clutter. That didn't last long before I was putting in a bigger table that he now works on but really he needs an ever bigger one ( his current table is big enough to seat 6 people and that really isnt big enough) I have spent the last 3 years stealing time on his computer a little here and a little there. Once I finished school computer time wasn't a necessity for me. Really the only time I got out the laptop was when I went to drills and only then so I could Skype Stephen at night.

Stephen has really tried to be generous with the computer and letting me have time when I ask. but it never takes long before he is standing over my shoulder politely nudging me to "get the hell off his computer" he never says that but I can read him like a book and I know it drove him nuts giving up the computer to me. At times when he stood over my shoulder I commented that I really needed my own desk and work area. He really wants me to do a lot of the photo editing but he can't stand to not be at the computer so he often moves me on so that he can get back to his desk. Any time I mentioned that I needed my own work space he always unhhnned me and went back to his stuff. It wasn't a priority and we really didn't have the space and he really don't mind me using his computer blah blah blah.. I wasn't to bothered because I didn't really get on there that much.

So when I enrolled in school recently I said to Stephen "how are you going to handle it when I start school in two days time and I need hours and hours every day on your computer? How are you gonnna deal with little to know computer access every day? ". His reply was "ummm couldn't you do that on the lap top" I said " I guess but I can't do all that work in the living room or kitchen, I need a desk and the ability to close the door on all of you!" That very day Stephen managed to help me pull out his old desk, move his book shelf to another room and set up a work area for me. I couldn't help but laugh, he was never bothered to help me do all of this because he always knew that if he stood over my shoulder and gently nudged me I would move on and give up the computer, but going back to school meant I wouldn't be able to do that and he would have to relinquish the computer time to me. It is funny to me that threatening his computer time put him into instant action.

I don't think this is just a Stephen thing, I think its more of a man thing, they really have to have a reason to take drastic action. There isn't always this thought about what every one else needs, if it don't affect men directly they seem to block every thing out. Men make me laugh, especially Stephen!

adding my most recent drawing from art class. I have a long way to go but working on it.

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