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Thursday, September 30, 2010

Frustrated and Exhausted

This may be some sort of blog rekindeling for me .A long time ago on another blog site i was a devoted blogger and had something to say every day. In some ways when that site went down I didn't want to blog any more, eventually I gave in and found this site but I havent been as devoted to it. A lot of this has to do with the fact that before Stephen and I got married we could write blogs and keep each other up to date on every thing, now we are able to just fill each other in at the end fo the day.

Any how, I am in a grouchy mood today for a few reasons. I finally got a week off of school and it has blown by so fast and I managed to recogmize a mile long list of things that need doing but that was it, I didn't manage to get any of it done. I have been so exhausted from working all day and staying up all night with home work that a lot of times I don't even notice how much laundry has piled up or that the cubards are empty or the lawn is knee high. This week I wanted to get every thing caught up but I was so exhausted I ended up just crashing every afternoon and not getting any thing done really. Its frustrating and honestly how much more of the daily life stuff can I push off on Stephen before he gets so over whelmed that he can't cope. Not much more I am sure.

I am also frustrated because every since 2003 the National Guard has been telling me that they are going to medically discharge me from the military due to injuries that occurred on deployment. However the military is great about taking forever, they have started the process a few times and then staff would change and the issue would be dropped. I haven't pushed the issue about any of it because if I can just bide my time until I get my 20 I will be happy to quietly take my retirement letter and move on with my life. In the last year some one in the unit decided that this needs to be sorted and finalized, so every couple of months I get a letter telling me I am being issued orders to go to the Med Review Board, so I go but I never get paid for it, orders means getting paid, nor does the unit bother to exchange those days for drill days. Instead I am taking these days off from my job with out pay and wasting my time. There is always another form or another appointment. The forms never seem to be done on time. The unit seems to take a month or two to fill out a form and only bothers to do it if I email or call them every week.

It's now drill weekend again and we are going to convoy across the state to go to the range. My daughter happens to be pregnant, very pregnant. She is due October 21,but she is diabetic which typically leads to early delivery. The doctor said a week and a half ago that she didn't think that Sara would go to her due date and would  maybe go two more weeks. I am freaking out that she will go into labor with me 4 hours away.
Sara also has this heart condition that causes her heart to beat to fast. I have  heard so many horror stories about women's hearts stopping when they are in labor so needless to say I am in a panic about it. I want to be right there the whole time, not that I think I am a doctor and can fix her but I want to at least be there to yell for a doctor if something goes wrong. 

So any way I text my NCOIC and explain that I am freaked out about going on a convoy that far away and not being able to get back if I need to. She told me that I could drive my personal vehicle to the range that way if I need to leave I can. Today I was thinking do I drive straight to the range or do I need to show up at the unit for formation. The thing is the unit is not even in the general direction of the range. My NCOIC says she isnt sure so I should call the unit. I can't call from work so I got on my phone and sent an email and ask my question. The guy comes back saying that I haven't received approval to drive myself to the range. I replied back saying that I had contacted my NCOIC about it and she had informed me that it was all sorted. He actually emailed me back being rude about 1SGT not approving it. So I text my NCIOC and ask who she approved it with and told her the unit was saying that I can drive to the range. She never answered me!

The whole thing annoys me because appartenly my NCOIC gave me permission to drive there and never bothered to get it approved from the approving authority, and never bothered to  inform me that it had not really been approved. Then the clerk had to be rude about it, If  I do what I am suppose to and go through the chain of command there is no need to be rude to me because my NCOIC didn't follow through with her part of it. Its not like I was askign to not go at all which is really what I would rather. I mean what mother wants to be 4 hours away from thier pregnant 16 year old unhealthy daughter when she could go into labor at any minute. Not this mother for sure!

I eventually got the number for the approving authority and text and got permission to drive but by the time that I got this approval I was so frustrated. I hope the long drive in the morning gives me time to cool off because going to drills with an attitude probably isnt a good idea. A few years ago I was just not ready to get out of the military or give up that part of my life, recently I am just ready for them to finalize the papers and send me on my way. I never thought I would want to be out of the military, it used to be such an important part of how I definded myself. I really think I feel ready to get out because of stupid stuff like this stuff today. I guess I want the guard to be more like active duty, where your unit is  your family and you always have each other's back. Imagine if I had not text or emailed to ask a question, come tommorow morning I would have been AWOL from drills!

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